Never Forget

Sometimes I manage to get it right. I often think that I'm an ok mother. I'm not downing my abilities as a parent, but I see all of those "super moms" and I do tend to wonder how they have the energy for what they are doing. Short of uppers (please pull your panties out of the wad I'm certain they are in, I'm not implying they are drug addicts), I have no idea how those people do it simply because I can't. I tried the stay at home mom thing and failed miserably. I was sad and unproductive and Adrian sure wasn't happy. However, that's a topic for another time. Today, I managed to do something right and that alone is cause for celebration.

This is the part where, if little believing eyes are around, you ask them to go away for about 10 minutes. Why you are letting little believing eyes look at my blog, I have no idea because this is an adult blog.

Last night, AJ was away from home at a sleepover that he'd looked forward to all week. When I say looked forward to, I mean that when I told him he could go after dinner, he was trying to get us to eat dinner at 2:30 in the afternoon. At 7pm, he was allowed to leave and when I say he practically flew out the door and down the street, I don't think I'm exaggerating too much. As such, Husband and I had nothing to do.

Can I communicate what a rare occasion this is? The last time Husband and I have had time without AJ was for Husband's Christmas party, which was 2 hours. Prior to that it was my birthday dinner, which was 2 hours and prior that that, it's beyond my memory, but it was likely something similar. A whole night is unheard of for us and while we were thrilled we were also....well, bored. What do you do when you are used to only doing kid friendly things? Bar hopping? We aren't the type. Clubbing? I currently have a bum knee and Husband won't dance if I pay him (and I've tried paying him). Toilet papering the neighbor whose motorcycle keeps waking me as he drives to work at 4am? Well, you know we're in a recession and toilet paper is expensive. We decided to take advantage of the opportunity to actually pick out his basket together as opposed to the whole "I'll run to the store and pick it up, you stay here and keep him busy, routine."

Those that know us personally know that we have been on a journey of "healthful eating" that leads to eating properly and restricted caloric intake 6 days a week and anything we want one day a week. AJ has done well with this and is actually quite a stickler for the rules. He's never believed in Santa or the Easter Bunny (again, another topic for another time), and since Saturday is our "eat what we want" day, we decided that we'd let him have his basket early. The dilemma here was what to get him being that I was not going to allow him to go into sugar shock after restricting his candy/soda intake for 4 months. This is what I came up with:


There are a lot of personal stories behind the items in this basket, but I was looking for a small mixture of decent candy that he can eat over a long term period and enough sugar that he doesn't feel like he's missing out. The items I included were items that AJ has expressed interest in over the course of about a year of shopping. Overall, I spent about the same amount as I would have on a candy basket and this is mainly stuff he can use again and again. I also don't feel guilty about giving him a little bit of candy and then telling him to eat healthy meals this way. Husband and I patted ourselves on the back for our ingenuity and waited to see how AJ would react.

He came home tired from his sleepover, but happy. I explained the situation about how Easter is tomorrow and everyone else would be getting things tomorrow, but that since his free day was on Saturday, it might make more sense for him to get it today. However, if he didn't want it today, that would be fine and it was his choice. AJ's a rational little guy and said "Gimme the basket." At first, he didn't understand that the bucket WAS his basket. When he did, his expression was hilarious. He kept going through the items saying "this is the best Easter basket ever" and "I will never forget this day." He's a little melodramatic. I don't know where he gets it.

The fun wasn't over, though, as Husband had decided that we were all going to see Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D after some necessary afternoon shopping and a leisurely dinner. I'd never seen a 3D movie and I was pretty excited about the whole thing. When we got to the mall, I found jeans (in a smaller size! YES!) and an adorable old-fashioned looking dress that I'm looking for excuses to wear. One place we always stop at is Brooks Brothers because Husband has become something of a BB addict. Look, if he won't take the first step and admit it, I'll do it for him. I'm assertive that way. They were having a sale and while he and I looked at things, AJ made friends with the salespeople. He really did. He talks to everyone. He made friends with the man fixing our central heat the other day, too. He loves people. I couldn't hear what he was talking about, but saw him talking to the man and looking at the women's jewelry and asking questions.

As we were about to leave, he asked me to try on a bracelet to see if it would fit because he wanted to buy a bracelet for "someone special" with the money he'd gotten from his grandmother for Easter. After having me try on about 20 bracelets, he chose one that was so tight on me I think it cut off circulation. AJ is a loving little guy and I wasn't sure if this was for me or for someone at school, but either way, it was far too expensive for anyone and he didn't need to buy it. I tried to be sneaky and said, "AJ, you know I don't wear pearls, right?" Total lie. I do wear pearls, regular pearls, not the ones with silver that he'd chosen. He winced and said, "But I want to buy these for you! I'm going to buy them for your Easter present. I want it to be special." Husband looked at him and mentioned that if I wanted the bracelet that we had the funds to purchase it and AJ didn't have to spend any money to buy me a bracelet. AJ looked at him like he was dumb (I'll admit, I do that a lot to people and it's not a good trait) and said "I have money and I want to buy it with my money so it will be special." Leon had him ask me if it's the bracelet I wanted and I pointed to one that wouldn't require an amputation of my hand. I thought that the extra $2 it cost might deter him because he tends to be thrifty with his money. Not today. He had his heart set on this.

My 8-year old bought me a silver bracelet from Brooks Brothers so I could have a special Easter present "just like his." With his own money. All the money he has. He insisted upon carrying it out of the store and said, "Mama, this is for you. Happy Easter." I hugged him tightly, got choked up and kissed the top of his head. He grinned at me and whispered, "You'll never forget this day, will you?" No, AJ. I will never forget this day.

Stunting his growth

Natalie and I have been friends for many, many years. 10, at my last guess. We have followed essentially the same path in life with few divergences, but have managed to stay in touch and close throughout marriages, births, extreme joys, extreme hardships, loss, grief, many moves, new homes, new states, new careers, new degrees and new opportunities. She is one of my favorite people ever and is one of the very few people I can tell ANYTHING and know that, as gross or wrong as society thinks, or even I think, she'll think it's cool or ok or hilarious. And then she'll make fun of me for it. There is no judgment and even in friendships, that lack of judgment between two people is really rare. We've just been through too much and really, we know know way too much about each other.


Around 9 years ago, Natalie and I were pregnant around the same time. Natalie was pregnant with one of the most gorgeous dark-haired, gypsy featured beauties I've ever seen in my life. Bee (as she will be known), is a precocious, tell it like it is, intelligent girl child. She's a mini-Natalie and is amazing. I was pregnant with AJ, a sensitive, athletic, science-minded, all-american featured boy child who is currently sporting a pumpkin grin. From the time they were womb fetuses, these two were jokingly betrothed. Natalie and I greedily planned grandchildren and enjoyed the idea of not fighting over the rights to grandchildren.

When AJ and Bee met, it seemed all plans were falling into place. They were like two peas in a pod and AJ and Bee's little brother, Mee, are best buddies. Our plans for world domination by living vicariously through our children were imminent.

However, today I hit a snag. One I never saw coming and the ton of bricks didn't fall at once, rather one at a time they fell on that sensitive spot. Someday, AJ, Bee & even little Mee, will all GROW UP. In order for betrothed to get married, THEY HAVE TO GET MARRIED. To have grandkids, they have to...well, YOU KNOW. NO NO NONONONONONONONONONO. MY CHILD WILL NEVER YOU KNOW!!!!!

Ok. Ok. I can handle this. He may or may not you know. We aren't Catholic, but he could decide to be a priest but then I don't get grandchildren. This doesn't seem fair.

So the question is, how does one of my very best friends factor into this? Well, Natalie recently had twins (Holy wow!) and she took a picture of Bee holding one of the babies. Bee is sitting in a hospital bed holding the baby and for all purposes looks like a new mother. Our babies are growing up and it's happening sooner than we ever intended.

It occurred to me that children are doing things more quickly now. Statistics are showing that children engage in non-penetrative sexual contact as early as 12-13 years (7th grade). AJ and Bee are 8 years old. We could be forced to deal with this stuff within the next 5 years. NO. Children can be parents as early as 13. Our children will be adults in 10 years. This is all overwhelming. I know that we can handle this stuff as it comes, but that seems so FAST.


The only thing I know about all of this is that I thank God that Natalie and I will be going through all of this at the same time because there is no way that I would survive it without her. Of course I have Husband, but he's not as sentimental about this as I am. He's a BOY. Natalie will get it. She always does.